Psychic Abilities.

As I ended my last post announcing that I would be elucidating on my experiences with the book club members, I must now keep that sacred promise. I realize many of you may be unsure of how talking to mature women might relate to learning about girls our age. This will clear the smoke from the subject, as I relate some stunning information that I have gathered.

Women are psychic. No, not in the "your mother has eyes in the back of her head" way. I mean: actually having abilities beyond the kenning of men. I have drawn such conclusions from direct observation. And, there can be no better evidence then what we perceive with our own two eyes.

When I first observed the banter of the six women sitting at the table before me, I was struck by their infallible knowledge of each others thoughts. One would speak, and before she could finish, another would continue that thought. This did not cause any friction, because it was obvious that they both knew were the thought was leading, and thus left it unstated. I have never observed this with males. The most perceptive comment I have heard from men is "you look like you need a beer". Thus, some quality must be absent from men, but present in women.

Being a logical person, I eventually rejected the idea of this ability being magic based. While I am not a scientist, I use the scientific method of precluding magic, because otherwise I'd spend my days wondering if my mother knew when I did some... embarrassing things in the privacy of my room. So I came to the most logical assumption.

Females communicate through scent. This is not so radical an idea. Ants communicate via scent, especially when transferring information about the best path to food. Cats and dogs also communicate with scent, sometimes all over a couch.

But such a realization is just supposition without actually testing the theory. So, in the name of science, I gassed. I was absolutely silent. In fact, I was barely able to tell I did so. I definitely could not smell it myself. In spite of this, the lady across from me stopped and stared at me for the briefest of seconds, giving me the proof I needed. The conversation also experienced a momentary hiccup a few seconds latter. I never did smell it, which proves that women have a far better sense of smell then men. And that proves that women have what I have come to term: psychic smell.

Thus, from this realization, I suggest several things. The first is to avoid gassing in the presence of women. While the group I was with was quite tolerant, there is no guarantee of such. Second, try to wear multiple colognes, as this will confuse any woman you meet and allow you an opening to speak. Third, while playing an online role-playing game, try gassing. If the "female" does not react, then the character is most likely not a female at all.

I will have more information in the next installment.

Ichabod Worthington