A Geek's Lion Cry

All Geeks know the sacraments of our world view. Phenomenon, such WOW, may be used by the public at large, but the "masses" could never understand that such things are a lifestyle, not mere games. The fact that I can skip sleep for an entire week is a testament to the indomitable spirit, a spirit that is housed somewhere between my colon and my heart. Sometimes it rumbles and I have to get up to open the fridge. The fact that the said spirit tumbles over my belt, while physically unflattering, is a point of pride.

Yes, people may mock me because I look like Santa's deficient cousin. But I understand, as I know many of my fellow Geeks do, that my belly represents progress. No longer are we in the dark ages, where we had to use dice and pencils for our Geekery. No longer do we have to run to our friend's basement to play role-playing games on dusty old table tops. No longer do we have to swing fake swords at each other in the park, all the while trying to ignore the guy that came dressed to the game as an elven princess. Now, all we have to do is sit at a computer and press buttons.

I know, there are many other ways in which the Geek life can manifest. We have adherence to good grades and abhorrence of exercise, among others. The belief in the betterment of the fantasy world, however, is something around which any Geek can rally. And, as I have stated before, we now have the world at our fingertips.

Something that has always eluded us, however. It is the beautiful creatures that dance through our dreams: women. While we can have girl characters in our computer games, it simply is not the same. Yes, I have a 2D girl friend too, and I know many of you Geeks out there have favorites that you love. But, I'm sure you feel it too. Something is missing.

So, in the name of Geeks everywhere, I must step up and venture out. I'm going to attempt to learn all I can about the female race. I will go where no Geek has gone, despite the great terror I must face outside this room. Since I'm not a scientist, I'm going to have to use my own special brand of logic to understand what I learn. And then I will pass on this information to you. Through this venture, the mystery that surrounds women will waft away. We will be able to understand everything about them, so we can better discover them online. After this, we will not date other characters online, only to find out our "lesbian" partner was really just another guy. Because that is awkward.

Ichabod Worthington