He returned and rushed to the tavern, expecting to find Bethany to greet him. Instead, everyone avoided his glance. Now in terror, he grabbed one of the tavern maids by the arm, wrenched her around until she faced him. She blurted out an address, and he threw her to the ground and rushed out the door.
He knew long before he reached his destination. When he read her name upon the gravestone, his heart was filled with hallow hate. He hated God. He hated England. He hated everything around him, and swore never to return. He never learned how she died, and never cared.
Before the Blue Rose sailed away from the bay for the last time, Jude gave any on his crew a last chance to leave, but none did. He had been the only one with an anchor in England, the rest of his crew having run away from home and drafted, or long ago buried their loved ones. They were the only family each other had left.
Hunted for desertion, having nothing but the ship and barely enough food, they quickly turned to piracy. Originally hunting only foreign ships, they turned to hunting English merchant ships by necessity. Horrifically successful, the Blue Rose became the Bloody Rose, and earned a legendary reputation. Known for their policy of leaving no survivors to identify them, as well as for their unusual figurehead, the Bloody Rose brought fear to the once peaceful waters around Britain. The Bloody Rose was an unusually large and well equipped warship. This, combined with a well trained crew and his military and local marine knowledge, allowed the ship to make short work of most of its victims. He learned that his reputation distorted descriptions of himself from a captured sailor right before he killed him. He decided then that they would reap one last merchant ship before he and his men would retire to some land far away. Four years of murder had worn away at even his frozen heart.
It was then that they spotted an unusually large merchant ship. The ship sailed slow as if laden, and Jude knew immediately that it was a prize he could not ignore. Instinct tugged at his mind with doubt, but greed tempted even louder. At night they had tried to sneak up to attack, but the target oddly sped up and disappeared into the darkness, no lights marking their position. Ignoring the signs, he ordered the ship to keep course in the hopes of catching the ship.
And now he realized it was all a trap. His thoughts were jarred away as a lantern lit up the stern of the enemy ship, now feet away from the Bloody Rose’s port side. At least the enemy captain had some humor.
The impact came with a deafening crack, followed by a bellowing, thunderous groan. Thrown down upon the deck, he watched in horror as his first mate was smashed into red jelly between the embrace of the other ship’s figurehead and the Bloody Rose’s main mast. He was mercifully in the ship’s prow. Another crack and the sight of the mast falling towards him, however, let him know he would not be spared.
As he watched the giant tree trunk fall towards him, he felt an odd calm wash over him. Even stranger still, he thought he heard Bethany calling his name. Tears, not sea water, stung his eyes. A now unfamiliar emotion squeezed his heart. Guilt and sadness tugged at him as he remembered: today was her birthday. Nothing around him mattered in those last seconds, all he wanted to do was see her again. Adrenaline slowed the mast’s fall.
For the first time in five years, he prayed.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Spam
“Nothing else then?”
She sat with her hands on her slightly swollen stomach, rays from the sun shining through the window and dancing upon her burgundy tresses. A modest apartment close to the dock, there was barely enough room to fit a wooden rocking chair, a small bed, and a stand for the lamp. Her presence, however, made the place seem more like home then the rocking cabin aboard his boat. He felt disquieted by her intense stare, so he looked down and made an exaggerated gentleman’s bow.
“Gentle lady, I must depart for seas-”
“And leave a lady at home by herself again, without anything to remember him by?”
“But I’m sure that memories, and, and something else…”
“Yes, that something else? What shall I call that ‘something’? Have you even thought about-?”
“Yes! Of course I’ve-”
“So you knew all this time and just acted like you didn’t?” Her voice softened and he knew he had dug himself a hole.
“Yes… I mean, I, no, …yes. We can call him Thomas or her-”
“And the last name!?”
“I can’t, I have to set sail today.”
She stood, and stepped within a foot of him, and locked her brown eyes with his. A tear trailed its way down her cheek.
“If you love me, tell me with more then just words. You are the captain, you can decide to stay for a day. Just for a day. For me.”
“I have a duty to my country. I promise that when I return, I’ll marry you. I’m sorry.”
He looked away, unable to bare the disappointment he knew that was in her eyes. He felt the softness of her hand on his cheek, turned back to face her, and was met by her kiss. An eternity passed in the second before she withdrew.
“Go with God.”
“And may God protect you until I return.”
The image of her smile burdened by eyes of liquid sadness burned into his brain and his heart as he left. He shortened his tour from two weeks to five days, yet his crew never asked why. He imagined every one of his brother sailors looking at him with accusing eyes, yet he knew it was only his own doubts. A cold fear haunted him despite the calm weather.
She sat with her hands on her slightly swollen stomach, rays from the sun shining through the window and dancing upon her burgundy tresses. A modest apartment close to the dock, there was barely enough room to fit a wooden rocking chair, a small bed, and a stand for the lamp. Her presence, however, made the place seem more like home then the rocking cabin aboard his boat. He felt disquieted by her intense stare, so he looked down and made an exaggerated gentleman’s bow.
“Gentle lady, I must depart for seas-”
“And leave a lady at home by herself again, without anything to remember him by?”
“But I’m sure that memories, and, and something else…”
“Yes, that something else? What shall I call that ‘something’? Have you even thought about-?”
“Yes! Of course I’ve-”
“So you knew all this time and just acted like you didn’t?” Her voice softened and he knew he had dug himself a hole.
“Yes… I mean, I, no, …yes. We can call him Thomas or her-”
“And the last name!?”
“I can’t, I have to set sail today.”
She stood, and stepped within a foot of him, and locked her brown eyes with his. A tear trailed its way down her cheek.
“If you love me, tell me with more then just words. You are the captain, you can decide to stay for a day. Just for a day. For me.”
“I have a duty to my country. I promise that when I return, I’ll marry you. I’m sorry.”
He looked away, unable to bare the disappointment he knew that was in her eyes. He felt the softness of her hand on his cheek, turned back to face her, and was met by her kiss. An eternity passed in the second before she withdrew.
“Go with God.”
“And may God protect you until I return.”
The image of her smile burdened by eyes of liquid sadness burned into his brain and his heart as he left. He shortened his tour from two weeks to five days, yet his crew never asked why. He imagined every one of his brother sailors looking at him with accusing eyes, yet he knew it was only his own doubts. A cold fear haunted him despite the calm weather.
Spam
A call cried over the salty spray of the ocean’s clashing waves. Its meaning drowned immediately in the percussive roar of waves hitting the port side of the Bloody Rose. Captain Jude Maurice heard the whistling scream of a ballista bolt surging past his left shoulder, the taste of iron tainting his tongue. With a grim smile he stared, eyes greeted by obsidian darkness, hands gripping the railing. He realized his doom. It smiled back at him, a curse bought by greed. And now his only thoughts were of a past lost.
Once, he had been a captain in the Royal Navy, the Blue Rose a guardian ship of a large port in England. The ship often moored at home port, and his crew followed him with a devotion built over years of close scrapes and unparalleled leadership. Life had not been perfect, but it was filled with spots of beautiful happiness, love being the most pleasant of all.
Bethany was only a serving wench, but for the lonely sailor, she was pleasant, if silent, company. He couldn’t explain why, but he was drawn by her presence. Perhaps it was because she was the only one that ever served him. At first it was only a grin from him and a raised eyebrow from her. Undeterred, he took to expounding outlandish stories of his imagined heroics every time she came near. Sometimes she laughed, sometimes she would just grimace.
Suddenly, she no longer appeared. When it became obvious that she was avoiding him, he started to stagger his drinking schedule. His plan was successful, and seeing her across the tavern, a look of surprise on her face, he felt as if he had caught the fox.
Then he saw the smile in her eyes, and realized the fox had caught him. From then on, he spent every second of shore time he had with his new love. Her dangerously brilliant mind became evident as they spent their time together, before he knew it she had become his fellow strategist and confidant. She explained that her father had been a captain, and he had regaled her of all his harrowing adventures. Ever since, she had watched the ships dock in the bay by the tavern. She admitted to having watched with distance until she noticed that one ship had a wooden rose instead of a women figure blooming from the stern. Finding it romantic, she swore to find the captain of the ship.
Being a Christian, he waited a good month before sleeping with her. A year quickly passed, and it was becoming evident that he would soon be a father. It is then that he employed his superb skill at ignoring the obvious, until Bethany confronted him on the night that had ever plagued him since.
"Save - English-French Dictionary WordReference.com." English to French, Italian, German & Spanish Dictionary - WordReference.com. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
"Jude the Apostle -." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
"Piracy -." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
Once, he had been a captain in the Royal Navy, the Blue Rose a guardian ship of a large port in England. The ship often moored at home port, and his crew followed him with a devotion built over years of close scrapes and unparalleled leadership. Life had not been perfect, but it was filled with spots of beautiful happiness, love being the most pleasant of all.
Bethany was only a serving wench, but for the lonely sailor, she was pleasant, if silent, company. He couldn’t explain why, but he was drawn by her presence. Perhaps it was because she was the only one that ever served him. At first it was only a grin from him and a raised eyebrow from her. Undeterred, he took to expounding outlandish stories of his imagined heroics every time she came near. Sometimes she laughed, sometimes she would just grimace.
Suddenly, she no longer appeared. When it became obvious that she was avoiding him, he started to stagger his drinking schedule. His plan was successful, and seeing her across the tavern, a look of surprise on her face, he felt as if he had caught the fox.
Then he saw the smile in her eyes, and realized the fox had caught him. From then on, he spent every second of shore time he had with his new love. Her dangerously brilliant mind became evident as they spent their time together, before he knew it she had become his fellow strategist and confidant. She explained that her father had been a captain, and he had regaled her of all his harrowing adventures. Ever since, she had watched the ships dock in the bay by the tavern. She admitted to having watched with distance until she noticed that one ship had a wooden rose instead of a women figure blooming from the stern. Finding it romantic, she swore to find the captain of the ship.
Being a Christian, he waited a good month before sleeping with her. A year quickly passed, and it was becoming evident that he would soon be a father. It is then that he employed his superb skill at ignoring the obvious, until Bethany confronted him on the night that had ever plagued him since.
"Save - English-French Dictionary WordReference.com." English to French, Italian, German & Spanish Dictionary - WordReference.com. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
"Jude the Apostle -." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
"Piracy -." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Web. 07 Sept. 2009. .
Spam
Before I start spelunking the darker bowels of religion, I feel the need to write in a disclaimer. Because I'm lazy, I'll regurgitate the story that I've been using for years to describe practically everything in my life.
When I was a child, a patch of elephant grass separated my subdivision and a closed gate community that existed on the other side. In the middle of this wall of grass was a tunnel hollowed out by the hooligans that came before me. Through this portal, everything was richer. All the lawns were without weeds, no paint was pealing from the walls. All those cars I saw in the movies were zooming down the street. This world was a different world, it was a separate universe I visited whenever I wished. I wasn't alone in my belief. Using the word "gang" is misleading, yet it is the only word I can use to describe us. We dived into the empty culvert systems, peered into store windows, and occasionally did less intelligent things. Here, in this other world, nothing could touch us, because life was perfect.
Years later I visited the subdivision that I used to live in, by chance happening by my old house. When I looked across the yard, I realized the immortal gateway that I had so cherished in my youth had been chopped down, and the reality was laid bare before me. The "perfect" subdivision I had imagined had become a decrepit old residential area. The stores were gone, the culvert filled, and the mystery blew away. The question was then, did this world that I glimpsed in my youth actually ever exist, or was it a complete fabrication?
Like the world through the patch of grass, when I was young, perfection was easy to imagine. Beyond the gates of death I imagined a garden, perfect, and clean. Everything I loved would stay forever, life would always be perfect, and the things that I feared would be banished like a breath on the wind. Believing in God was easy then.
Then belief got hard. Loved ones were lost, and the deeper questions of the mere existence of atrocities began to wear away my faith. Science slammed into my faith like a meteor, declaring the things I once held true to be false. When my prayers were not answered with any speed, my faith dripped away to nothingness.
For many years I looked in on religion from the outside, and saw what I suspect many of the nonreligious see. I saw hate and intolerance. I saw people who gave up everything just so they could attain an illusion. I saw perversion and hypocrisy.
It was different when I rejoined the church. I saw that I had hated people who did not deserve it. I had been intolerant because I had thought that they were intolerant themselves. Yet they were as hurt by the overzealous as much as those outside the religion. They weren't ignorant either. They made the choice to believe in something and ultimately did not seem worse for it. They weren't self-righteous or angry either. They were people. We are people.
So remember when looking at religions that you don't yourself become close minded. Remember that attacking a religion can be completely without merit. This blog is not here to attack any religion, but simply question the practices by some factions within the faiths that seem destructive to society and the faiths themselves.
When I was a child, a patch of elephant grass separated my subdivision and a closed gate community that existed on the other side. In the middle of this wall of grass was a tunnel hollowed out by the hooligans that came before me. Through this portal, everything was richer. All the lawns were without weeds, no paint was pealing from the walls. All those cars I saw in the movies were zooming down the street. This world was a different world, it was a separate universe I visited whenever I wished. I wasn't alone in my belief. Using the word "gang" is misleading, yet it is the only word I can use to describe us. We dived into the empty culvert systems, peered into store windows, and occasionally did less intelligent things. Here, in this other world, nothing could touch us, because life was perfect.
Years later I visited the subdivision that I used to live in, by chance happening by my old house. When I looked across the yard, I realized the immortal gateway that I had so cherished in my youth had been chopped down, and the reality was laid bare before me. The "perfect" subdivision I had imagined had become a decrepit old residential area. The stores were gone, the culvert filled, and the mystery blew away. The question was then, did this world that I glimpsed in my youth actually ever exist, or was it a complete fabrication?
Like the world through the patch of grass, when I was young, perfection was easy to imagine. Beyond the gates of death I imagined a garden, perfect, and clean. Everything I loved would stay forever, life would always be perfect, and the things that I feared would be banished like a breath on the wind. Believing in God was easy then.
Then belief got hard. Loved ones were lost, and the deeper questions of the mere existence of atrocities began to wear away my faith. Science slammed into my faith like a meteor, declaring the things I once held true to be false. When my prayers were not answered with any speed, my faith dripped away to nothingness.
For many years I looked in on religion from the outside, and saw what I suspect many of the nonreligious see. I saw hate and intolerance. I saw people who gave up everything just so they could attain an illusion. I saw perversion and hypocrisy.
It was different when I rejoined the church. I saw that I had hated people who did not deserve it. I had been intolerant because I had thought that they were intolerant themselves. Yet they were as hurt by the overzealous as much as those outside the religion. They weren't ignorant either. They made the choice to believe in something and ultimately did not seem worse for it. They weren't self-righteous or angry either. They were people. We are people.
So remember when looking at religions that you don't yourself become close minded. Remember that attacking a religion can be completely without merit. This blog is not here to attack any religion, but simply question the practices by some factions within the faiths that seem destructive to society and the faiths themselves.
Spam
Before you go any further, please note that due to its nature this blog may contain highly offensive content. If this bothers you in any way, or if you are under the age of 18, please do not continue reading. Close this window or tab, preferably your entire browser.
If you are not easily offended and are of age, please continue reading.
And this is where the insanity begins. You have probably entered this realm by accident. Curiosity dragged you in here by the nose hairs or such. Or perhaps you're here due to the requirements of a class. In either disaster, let me quell the confusion.
This blog was created to discuss the my own spiritual views. Since I'm still not totally sure exactly what they may be, most likely there is someone out their that totally disagrees with them. At the very least, I will be discussing my views on the more conflicted areas of religion, though I may post almost anything if I get bored.
Being that this is a blog, most of the discussion will simply be a written monologue by, of course, none other than me. That would be boring if it is to be the only thing of which this blog is constructed, so I will endeavor to make this more interactive. No, there will not be any public bashing of crosses. There will, however, be heated discussion in the comments section. At least, that is my fondest hope. As stated before, my views are probably controversial somewhere.
Heated in no way means violent, and while I may not always be able to catch and ban people who show a consistent need for such, I will attempt to delete comments that are obviously out of line, though I do not yet have a system.
One system I have already come up with is the "The Gauntlet". Quite different from the armored gloves that "ye olde knights" wore, the gauntlet that this system resembles is one of testing. In times long past, and perhaps sometimes present, a person was forced to walk between two rows of his comrades or accusers and was bashed with fists or clubs until he got to the other side. The bashing that will be done in this area of debate, however, will be done by words and numbers.
The system will consist of various statements relating to the blog topic that will be listed at the end of the topic being either given a point or deducted a point by each commentator. In this way a general feeling of the public opinion can be gathered, and will be discussed on the next topic. I encourage the commentators to add qualifiers to reduce confusion on why they decided to add or subtract a point, but do not require it. Of course, this system will only be in use when discussing an actual religious topic.
Another part of this blog is a story that I'm writing. It has a sort of religious tone, so if that is something that you don't like, then feel free to ignore those posts. Otherwise, feel free to give constructive comments.
Since I'm currently attending college, and the fact that having a blog is merely a requirement for one of the classes I am taking, this blog will not be updated on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Sometimes, or I might just decide to randomly update as I see fit). Otherwise, Look for the blog to pop up sometime during the day, mostly at random times. There will, in addition, be random other posts not related to the subject of this blog that are required for the class. These will be marked as such, and can safely be ignored, as they will be deleted after the end of the semester.
Also, please consider that the opinions expressed here do not represent any group that I'm aware of. Sometimes they don't even represent my own views. This blog is, for the most part, an exploration. I'm easily swayed by logic, reason, emotions, and deadly instruments. This is why I've decided to make this blog public, as opinions and beliefs should be expressed and tested in order for any person or society to grow.
Also note that I'm not an expert in anything relevant, so please take everything I declare with fifty pounds of salt.
That said, welcome and please enjoy.
If you are not easily offended and are of age, please continue reading.
And this is where the insanity begins. You have probably entered this realm by accident. Curiosity dragged you in here by the nose hairs or such. Or perhaps you're here due to the requirements of a class. In either disaster, let me quell the confusion.
This blog was created to discuss the my own spiritual views. Since I'm still not totally sure exactly what they may be, most likely there is someone out their that totally disagrees with them. At the very least, I will be discussing my views on the more conflicted areas of religion, though I may post almost anything if I get bored.
Being that this is a blog, most of the discussion will simply be a written monologue by, of course, none other than me. That would be boring if it is to be the only thing of which this blog is constructed, so I will endeavor to make this more interactive. No, there will not be any public bashing of crosses. There will, however, be heated discussion in the comments section. At least, that is my fondest hope. As stated before, my views are probably controversial somewhere.
Heated in no way means violent, and while I may not always be able to catch and ban people who show a consistent need for such, I will attempt to delete comments that are obviously out of line, though I do not yet have a system.
One system I have already come up with is the "The Gauntlet". Quite different from the armored gloves that "ye olde knights" wore, the gauntlet that this system resembles is one of testing. In times long past, and perhaps sometimes present, a person was forced to walk between two rows of his comrades or accusers and was bashed with fists or clubs until he got to the other side. The bashing that will be done in this area of debate, however, will be done by words and numbers.
The system will consist of various statements relating to the blog topic that will be listed at the end of the topic being either given a point or deducted a point by each commentator. In this way a general feeling of the public opinion can be gathered, and will be discussed on the next topic. I encourage the commentators to add qualifiers to reduce confusion on why they decided to add or subtract a point, but do not require it. Of course, this system will only be in use when discussing an actual religious topic.
Another part of this blog is a story that I'm writing. It has a sort of religious tone, so if that is something that you don't like, then feel free to ignore those posts. Otherwise, feel free to give constructive comments.
Since I'm currently attending college, and the fact that having a blog is merely a requirement for one of the classes I am taking, this blog will not be updated on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Sometimes, or I might just decide to randomly update as I see fit). Otherwise, Look for the blog to pop up sometime during the day, mostly at random times. There will, in addition, be random other posts not related to the subject of this blog that are required for the class. These will be marked as such, and can safely be ignored, as they will be deleted after the end of the semester.
Also, please consider that the opinions expressed here do not represent any group that I'm aware of. Sometimes they don't even represent my own views. This blog is, for the most part, an exploration. I'm easily swayed by logic, reason, emotions, and deadly instruments. This is why I've decided to make this blog public, as opinions and beliefs should be expressed and tested in order for any person or society to grow.
Also note that I'm not an expert in anything relevant, so please take everything I declare with fifty pounds of salt.
That said, welcome and please enjoy.
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